I am blown away! God, what an awesome God, so loving, so patient, so… powerful AWESOME!
For example, the other night I believed my abuser was here, threatening me. Flashlights in windows… I freaked out-then I went to the floor grabbed my cell phone and my bible. I was shaking, trying to cover up the light from my laptop. Texting my daughter and my niece, then a 6’ shadow slowly walked in front of my window. I double freaked!! I crawled on my hands and knees to MissAy. I barely could speak I was so terrified.
He, my abuser, was here to get me! Then a body appeared in the bedroom door. My heart stopped, I fell backward on the floor shaking, crying, and trembling. I just knew I was doomed, this was the end of my life, and it was going to be by his hands. He had successfully made it into the house. Then, I heard angelic voices, “Ally” missay said. “Mom? Are you ok” It was my son Josh- an enormous breath entered my body. I sat up, grabbing, unable to let go of Josh’s leg. I cried with relief I was going to live!
My abuser was never here, my daughter, Sarah, with whom I was texting, called Josh to go outside to make sure. They didn’t tell me before Josh went outside! I firmly believe Satan was trying to use my fears to keep me.
Returning to my room, I prayed harder than I have ever before. I was never going to allow that fear EVER again! I prayed, I cried, I cried and I prayed, I prayed and I cried, that is when something miraculous happened. I let Jesus in!! I got up off the floor and I began talking to God from my heart, and I listened with my new “heart-ears” Not with my mind or ears.
I didn’t get angry about the events that night; instead I felt such a peace. Determined never to allow my abuser to instill that fear in me, for I now had Gods protection. I just needed to accept him as my lord and savior, and “give it to God” MissAy was fellowshipping with me the previous day, using the analogy of chains. I need to take the “chains” off give them to God and NOT pick them back up. I began to craft a “chain”, and on each link, I wrote my fears, addictions, sins, drinking, drugs, etc. As I continued I was quite amazed at the length my “chain” was becoming. I made one acknowledging my acceptance of Jesus as my lord and savior, attaching that link; I realized that that was something I WAS NOT GIVING AWAY. So I removed it, ( it is a bookmark in my bible now ) My “chain” should only contain the burdens that I needed God thru Jesus to take off my shoulders and off my heart.
I put the “chain around my neck. It was so heavy! How could paper be so heavy? I cried, from my toes, the tears just wouldn’t stop! Crying, sobbing, cry, cry, crysob, sob, sob speaking to God, Praying to God, eventually GIVING IT TO GOD
All of a sudden I stopped crying. Then I began to breathe normally. Then I sat up. On my knees, took the “chain” off.
Gone-just gone all of it. I stood up, went to Josh and MissAys door and laid it there. (I didn’t want it!) (It was ugly, vile. Yech!) I transferred the vows to Jesus on a paper, my promise to God! I shut their door for they left it open for my comfort and so that I would feel safe. I knew I was safe now in the arms of our Heavenly father.
I went to bed- not the floor and slept like a baby! (The past week due to my fear I hadn’t slept much)
When I awoke the next morning, I was ALIVE!!
Bursting to tell anyone-everyone how glorious he is! Just accept him, believe, have faith, follow his words and teachings. And life is
I have never been so happy, never laughed so much, and smiled so much!
WOW!!! I am in AWE.
I would like to send out my thanks to the many people who prayed for me, and I suspect are continuing to pray for me. WOW for me, for me, for me! I AM of worth. God has always known that, I am blessed to know that now.
Thank you Lord, thru Jesus’ teachings in your name,
I AM ALIVE!!!!
Alive on the inside, (it’s kind of hard to explain). You all hopefully know what I am talking about, if not, you need to! It’s a WOW! I am bursting inside, alive. My head is up, ears are open, eyes are looking for any opportunities or situations you put me in to spread your word and do your work. At McDonalds, the bus, the bus stops. ANYWHERE, ANYONE, ANYTIME!! (Those stories another time, as they are… WOW! ) God placed me in situations the very next day to spread his word.
How great your love for me is how great your plan for me is!
I DON’T KNOW YOUR PLAN,
I DON’T NEED TO KNOW IT,
I BELIEVE IT!!!!
I burned the chains in the BBQ pit!
Ally Yost 08/26/2010