First my prayer is, “Father God, may my story be a light to those living in darkness, as I was. Father use my pain and now my peace so that others who are are lost and broken may accept your mercy, grace and love that can only come from You, I ask in Jesus mighty and holy name, Amen”
My name is Ally, As a child I was searching for someone to love me, My mom left us when I was in 1st grade she tried to commit sucide, I cleaned up her blood on the floor not understanding…,
Then I found out that my dad wasn’t my dad, my mom had an affair, Stepdad left me when I was in 5th grade. My siblings are all blonde, I am brunette. They called me the ‘brown child’ , so from an early age I felt that I ‘didn’t belong’ anywhere. I met my ‘real father’ and he, like my other 2 parents didn’t seem to take an interest in his ‘mistake’ so I had 3 parents thatI felt didn’t love me. (All 3 alcoholics)
Couch surfing at an early age of 12, school was an hard thing to accomplished. I went to 1/2 of 7th, no 8th 1/2 of 9th and married and dropped out at 15, 10th grade. I was looking for a place to belong, someone to love me. That is when I began using Crystal Meth. and I started drinking before that , when my step father ‘showed me off’ to his friends that I could drink straight Vodka in the 5th grade, right before he left.
Life became increasingly darker. My ‘picker’ was bad, 3 divorces, 3 kids, I was spiriling out of control. Domestic violencce was daily, the FEAR is what I remembered most. drinking made me not remember the other stuff.I am 46, late in July, 2010, My abuser gaged me, threw me to floor and covered me with a blanket, and transported me through 4 counties, (100 miles) We begun to fight because I could find any drugs. As I laid there on the floor of an RV , God placed my old cell phone that wasn’t charged, and had no service. my hands were free and I open it and it worked! I dialed 911, THAT was the begining of me knowing God was there with me!
My son picked me up from the police station. The next day was Sunday and I had to attend church with them. When I woke up major hungover and needing drugs I respect fully declined going to church. lol nope, I HAD to go said my son. So I went and cried the entire service because the Pastor was talking directly to me the entire service. (later I asked my Pastor if my son had told Him my issues and he told me No, that he prepares his sermons 6 months in advance, He had no idea that I was going to be there and my circumstance, BUT GOD DID!!)
Well, about a week later my abuser got out of jail and I thought he had found me, because there was a tall figure outside my window. I screamed and crawled on my hands and knees to my sons room crying hysterically with so much fear! about that moment, my son walked into the room and I thought,”oh my God he found me “, I couldn’t breathe when my son said my name, the tears of releif over came me. I went into the room I was staying in and I curled up in the fetal position crying, sobbing, crying out ,”GOD I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE” Then a peace that only comes from God came over me…!!!!! so I grabbed some paper, ripped it into pieces to make a paper chain, on each link I wrote my fears, my anger, my addictions and my promise to God that I would surrennder my life to Him, I put that very heavy paper chain with all my burdens and things I needed God to take from me around my neck, and prayed and cried, I am unsure of the time that passed, after God had lifted my burdens and took away my pain, I took the chain off, it was the weight of paper again. I HAD GIVEN MY LIFE TO CHRIST! I burned the chain in the morning.
My son suggested I listen only to christian music , KLove, actually! I was always cying with joy how I wasnt the only one going thru things as I listened to the words and stories of God’s love for us, His children! There is HOPE! God LOVES me, no matter my ‘junk-in-the-trunk’
Since then, August 24, 2010 Life has been amazing!!! I have not ever done Meth again, I am 13 months sober! By the grace of God.
I am now married to my absuer, who also was forgiven and changed by God. Our marriage and life is based on Loving God first.
I now am The assistant director of a homeless ministry. I was homeless for over 8 years untill Christmas Eve 2011. My prayer was for running water for Christmas and my prayer was answered by renting a house with hot and cold and draining water!! My saying is ,
“God blessed me with homelessness and gave me Eternity!”
One lesson that I learned is electricity is a want Not a need, for God will give us what we need , and through homelessness and my story I learned that I do have a DAD who loves me and will never leave me nor forsake me! I am NOT a mistake
This is not my home, but while I am here, I want to have His light shine in me an through me to the lost and broken of this world. To be transformed from the inside out! God is still working on me, daily. The FEAR is gone, replaced by PEACE.